Do You Have A Bunch Of Regrets?
Having many regrets can be the thief of joy.
Super optimistic people may say that you can live a happy and carefree life, which is easy to obtain.
Let me break it to you.
It is not!
It is possible to live a great life, but we will all come across situations that may cause stress, create havoc and may cause us to regret the decisions we may have made.
It happens to the best of us.
But don’t let it bring you down.
Before living a life with no regrets, I did many things that the old Candice would have regret wholeheartedly.
Things That The Old Me Would Have Regretted
Moving to a new country and not finding a support system
When I turned 20 years old, I had the opportunity to move across the world to Montreal, Canada, a place where:
a) I didn’t know anyone!
b) A place that I have never been before.
At times, I wasn’t in the best place mentally, but I figured that having a different atmosphere would help me.
In hindsight, I didn’t establish a support system there. I didn’t really talk to anyone.
In my classes, we had many class projects where we had to team up with other classmates.
I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to meet and connect with new people and make lasting friendships.
Yeah…it didn’t go as plan!
I was so incredibly shy!
I didn’t extend the olive branch.
I didn’t go to any extracurricular stuff to meet people.
I literally went to university, the gym and back home.
That was it!
Amongst feeling lonely and isolated, the weather didn’t help at all!
It was snowing (off and on) from december to april. APRIL!
I started experiencing symptoms of depression and I didn’t talk to anyone about it at the time.
Which made things ten times worse.
Taking risks and not thinking things through
My first permanent job after university was working at a hospital as a pharmacist assistant. The job was a job that made no sense to what I wanted to do. I studied business and psychology; where was the correlation?!
My mum did help me to get the job as she worked in the same department. However, I did not enjoy the job at all, and I was constantly getting in trouble; I sucked at the job, to be quite frank.
So I quit within 6 months and I did not establish or maintain friendships there.
Situationships
Oh boy.
Up to the age of 22, I was in situationships only. During my time in university, I talked to a few boys here and there, but it stayed very surface level all the time on my end.
I always kept my distance and didn’t pursue anything more than the talking phase.
I was very reserved, shy and was lacking confidence. I didn’t see and understand what they saw me, and due to that, I intentionally put barriers up.
A few ‘interests’ put time and effort into getting to know me, but I wasn’t ready or was I (but I was scared of being vulnerable or second-guessing myself due to low self-esteem and confidence)?
I stopped being friends with certain people
I wouldn’t say I stopped being friends intentionally, but I definitely did ‘the fade away’ with many people that l once was super close with.
At one point, when I was experiencing depression, I dropped off the face of the earth for many people. With some friendships, it picked up where we left off. But for some, the friendship fizzled out, which happens. There was no argument, no disagreement; it just happened.
In the midst of my depression, I felt like I only had a few people that I could turn to (which was not the case).
How I Turned My Regrets Into Lessons Learned
Moving to Canada
Moving alone is tough; moving alone and having to figure things by yourself in a new country is super tough!
Yes I did not make friends in Canada but it’s an experience I hold dearly as I learnt so much about myself.
I am self-sufficient- When I first moved there, I lived in a hotel for a week, but within the first week, I opened up a bank account, found a student apartment, and started university. I came with a plan, and I did it.
Being independent came naturally to me- I learned to rely on myself and not others. My mum taught me to be independent at a young age. She taught me to be responsible with my money.
Pros of moving alone- I got to really know myself, lived with new people, had great experiences, and feel like I can adapt well to new situations and make it independently.
Situationships
Looking back, I appreciated the attention from guys. It was something new to me as I was sheltered growing up; my mum did not play any games! But, things happened, and I am glad that I used my teens and the beginning of my twenties to understand what I want in a partner and how I want to show up in relationships.
Taking risks and not thinking things through
I can be spontaneous at times, but I have definitely learned to reign it in. If I had the foresight, I would have stayed in my job as a pharmacy assistant for a longer period of time.
Before leaving the job, I could have networked with people in different departments within the hospital. I aim to work in mental health, so I could have met with some people who may have pointed me in the right direction, tell me what experience I need to have under my belt to help me with my career.
Yet, I could have applied to different roles which will support my advancement.
As I already knew of the politics and what is expected of me as a hospital staff member, this would have served me tremendously.
However, I believe made the best decision to leave. I was offered a job as a support worker who was right up my alley. So I put myself out there, which was a risk in itself.
I took a lead of faith and I’m still standing.
Take Away
I like to say that the L (losses) that we may take are not losses; they are lessons. Lessons can help you to become the best person you can be.
I hope you don’t hold on to too many regrets; regrets are not the end all be all. Try and take everyday as it comes.
Thank you for reading, take care and stay safe.
XO
