How The Pandemic Changed My Life
Pandemic- you can leave now.
Let’s keep it really real. The pandemic has caused so much chaos: jobs, life and everything in between.
Why is the pandemic still here?!
I thought we would have left the pandemic in 2020. But here we are still with the bullshit.
Little did we know how things would go as we left 2020. At first, it was a world away. When my dad first started talking about COVID being in Asia and how it impacted their countries. Now, look at how it has changed the world and how we look at it forever.
How It Started
When the mention of lockdown first started, I was relieved weirdly. Before lockdown, I was working 2 jobs; a cleaner and I worked as a leisure assistant. Also, I was a full-time master’s student, I had to complete a placement as part of my university degree, and I was volunteering on the side. So, I was overwhelmed and overworked. I was excited to have some time to recover and reset.
Being at home was appealing to me at the time. Now I can rest for a few weeks (so I thought) and organise myself to ensure I am managing my time well and then going back to work (so I thought).
March moved to April, and we honestly thought Lockdown would last a month and then we can resume our lives.
Oh no, that was not the case.
When everything was up in the air, we still thought we had to do our final exams face to face. Therefore, I was using the time productively.
I made a timetable; I dedicated time to study and time to complete my thesis/dissertation.
Yet, we still did not know if/when and how we are having our exams. After the university got their stuff together, we were notified that our exams would take place online or, in other words, it would be an open book exam. Phew!
I was relieved as studying without an exam date became tedious. Plus, I was getting so easily distracted and felt like I wasn’t retaining a lot of information.
Thank God my lecture and reading notes were organised!
Weeks turned into months and we were still in the house with the end date continuously being extended. The exam came and went and so did lectures. Now all I had to focus on was writing my dissertation and I made sure that I did a bit of work every day to ensure that I wasn’t leaving it all until the last minute. Plus, I had to schedule much needed TLC. Master’s thesis is no joke!
Aside from writing my dissertation, I was trying to maintain my physic. I began jogging, which isn’t easy considering I live in a really hilly area. I pushed and challenged myself often.
Home workouts were the norm, and I made sure my routine was down pact.
My routine went something like this:
7.30 am- Wake up, meditate and workout
9 am-Breakfast
10 am- Dissertation (I had a 5 min break every 30mins/1hr)
1-2pm- Lunchtime
2 pm- Dissertation/ reading
4 pm- No more work for the day
5 pm-Dinner
6 pm -Chill
7 pm -Chill some more (go on social media)
8 pm -The chilling continues
9 pm- And it continues
10 pm -Oh, more chilling and maybe read
11pm- Bedtime!
I adjusted to the routine, and I didn’t mind it at all. I would say I’m a homebody, so I liked being at home.
Over time, my bank started screaming at me. Feed me!
Although I was now comfortable being back in my comfort zone, the thought of working and going outside started to make me anxious.
Aside from the anxious thoughts regarding going outside and being around people, COVID got closer to home.
My dad tested positive for the antibodies. He had made a full recovery, thank God. That was traumatising in itself.
As lockdown #1 began to ease, I started getting more and more anxious. I was constantly thinking of the what-ifs. I decided that since I had more time on my hands, I need to make my mental health a priority, and I did just that.
I had several sessions of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy); if you would like to read about my experience, click here!
Summer 2020- Outside? Is that you? Thankfully, I was able to spend my birthday with my boo. Also, I got to see my friends, which was great. I started to apply for jobs every day. I signed up to agencies preparing to hire new teaching assistants and support staff as school were set to reopen in September.
Back to work I go.
September 2020- Work mode activated! I was psyching myself up to work again. All in all, I worked all 3 shifts. I know! Schools weren’t keen on hiring new people, which is understandable, but damn! Not this again.
October-December 2020- Another lockdown, and back inside, we go. During this time, I was getting more and more frustrated with the situation. I like to be in control, and we are stuck in a situation that we had to play by ear.
Between the last couple of months of 2020, three of my loved ones tested positive for COVID. At the time, I tried to remain positive as I could have on the outside, but I started to feel numb on the inside. When is this going to end?!
How It’s Going
In January 2021, my aunt passed away from COVID. It was a hard time for our family. I don’t even know if I’ve grieved. I can’t even look at a picture for too long, let alone bring her up in conversation. It’s peculiar. Perhaps I’m in denial.
I was still making my wellbeing a priority and ensuring that I got moving every day. I made sure to keep up with journaling and manifestation.
Soon enough, I got back into work, and here I am today, immersed in the world of work with new opportunities on the horizon.
How the pandemic changed me
Work has been interesting- of course; it will take a while for me to readjust to the workplace. Getting introduced to new people, policies and politics has been stressful. During my breaks, I want to chill and not be bothered. Work was stressful; click here for why I just wanted the downtime to quiet my mind—no time for drama. Wow, I sound like an anti-social scrooge.
Finding myself being on social media more- Although I had more time on my hand during the lockdown, I wasn’t on social media as often as I am now that I am working full time. Sometimes, I feel myself compare how much progress people have made during the pandemic compared to me.
I catch myself being dismissive.
Dismissive of my own feelings first and foremost. Even when I feel stressed, I wouldn’t bring it up in conversation. I’d rather journal about it. Don’t worry; when I can, I’m going back to counselling as I may subconsciously be bottling things up again.
I feel like my guards are back up
I have become very used to my own company. Meeting people seems more stressful than it once was. I am not the greatest at introducing myself to people, and at work, I tend to stay to myself in front of groups of people. If there is a couple of people in a room, I will interact.
My patience is wearing thin- Working with kids, you have to have patience! Perhaps my patience is only limited to work, as when I am not at work, I do not have time for nonsense. I feel like I’m always on the clock. I need to use this time wisely. There are so many things I want to do, and with all that is going on, I feel like I need to do what I can in the time I am given.
Take away
How has this pandemic changed you? What have you noticed about yourself? What are some things you may need to work on or change?
Let me know in the comments.
Thanks for reading and take care.
XO
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