ADHDers do you struggle with communication?
For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with communication.
I was always the shy, quiet kid that kept to herself and didn’t demand the attention of the room as soon as I walked in it. My mother thought that it was just a ‘phase’ and soon I will grow out of it. She was very wrong.
From childhood to adulthood, I remained reserved and will only speak my mind when necessary or when asked to.
This did not translate well.
As I didn’t discuss what was on my mind, I let emotions fester and build up, causing me to become anxious. As I didn’t know what the issue was, and I didn’t know how to say, “Hey, I am feeling anxious.” I began to mask how I was truly feeling. Growing up in a west Indian household, a common theme of communication that I was taught is that we do not discuss our intimate feelings. We just get on with what we have to do. Thankfully now, things are discussed more openly which has helped me to strengthen my communication skills.
Although there was still room for growth regarding my communication skills, it was challenged at the age of 18 when I moved out of town to go to university in a different city. I was out of my comfort zone, so the reserved Candice came into play. I was incredibly shy, and it took some time to make friends and come out of my shell a little bit.
If you would like to know more about my university experience, click here
Throughout university and thereafter, I struggled with my communication skills. I didn’t express myself how I envisioned, and I beat myself up for it. Now throw ADHD into the mix, and you get a lot on your plate to try and manage.
Reading Don’t Just Talk Communicate, reminded me of how I struggle with communication.
I switch between subjects at lightning speed.
I try my best to remain focused during a conversation but at times, I switch between topics of conversation because I either get bored or have to say what is on my mind there and then or else, I will forget. I have done this time and time again, and it can be frustrating not just for the other party but for me too. It would be nice to see the ending of a conversation before blindsiding the other party with everything that is going on in my mind.
I struggle to get my words out
When I feel overwhelmed, I struggle to say what is on my mind and if I am able to conjure up a sentence, I can’t say what exactly I am thinking as if there is a road block between my mind and my mouth. It is common for me to be able to express myself more clearly when I’m not overstimulated, and the moment has long gone. This is similar to when you think of a great rebuttal after you have finished a disagreement or banter match.
Talking too much
Similar to the point I made prior, if I am in a hyper mood, I need to talk about everything on mind as quickly as possible before it escapes my mind, never to be found again. This can be super annoying when talking with other people, as I may interrupt during conversations. I try to avoid doing this, but I do as I know I will forget to talk about what was on my mind if I don’t say it there and then.
Zoning out during conversations
I try very hard to concentrate during conversations, but sometimes I just can’t focus. I am appearing to look as if I am fully engaged in the conversation, but my mind is on Venus, and I am trying to bring it back down to earth, even if the conversation is interesting.
Reading and recall
I love reading but I find myself reading a really good book and struggling to recall anything that I have read! I recently started reading a book that my boyfriend brought me for my birthday. He asked me what I learned so far and I was stuck! What had I actually learned?
Ways that I have learnt to cope with my different communication style
Write things down
If I know there are certain things that I want to bring up during conversation or important information that I may need to recall in the future, I write them down. If you see my notes folder on my phone! It is filled with everything: from an extensive book list to information from particular conversations, I write it all down. This helps me to organize notes so I don’t have to struggle to remember everything in my head.
In addition, when it comes to reading books, I find that it helps to note down the important parts or you can make a note of the page of the book or highlight a piece of information that you find helpful.
Journal
Similar to the previous point, journalling is a useful way to destress and focus inwards. At times, we may have a lot going on around us that may affect our energy, thoughts and feelings. I find that ending or starting each day by taking some time to sit and reflect makes all the difference.
Take your time
Instead of being a motor mouth, which I found also increases my anxiety, I am going to make sure that I practice deep breathing before going on a ramble. When I am being a motor mouth, I find that I stumble over my words more often, and that makes me a bit stressed, especially at work when I am trying to be clear and concise with what I am talking about.
Take Away
What is it that you find yourself struggling with when it comes to communication?
I am interested to know and if you feel comfortable, tell me ways that you have learnt to adapt and cope with your ‘difficulties’
Thanks for reading and take care.
