Relationship woes: How To Get Over A Breakup

I am New to relationship drama- I have Never Had To Get Over A BreakUp Before

When I was thinking of what to write for my next post because I honestly had no idea.

Then my relationship ended; my boyfriend of three years broke up with me.

Initially, I was shocked. I did know what to say.

I was silent for some time while I processed the information.

During this time, I have been going back and forth with my emotions.

I am heartbroken and don’t know how to cope, and then part of me says this happens for a reason. Perhaps I needed this to focus on myself as I spend a lot of my time helping others.

I need to turn my attention back to me.

I need to turn all my energy to improve my life.

However, it has been difficult, but I know things will be better in due time.

Things I keep thinking about

I have been in a relationship for 3 years

When you have been with someone for years, you are used to them. You are used to the routines that you both have become accustomed to. Then you go over the memories you shared, birthdays, holidays, valentines day. It’s like a reel in your head constantly on repeat, especially during the times when you have quiet moments to yourself.

How much I have changed in this relationship

When we first started dating, I wasn’t as considerate of my partner; if I am frank, It was my first relationship, and I guess I didn’t know how to act. And that is my fault.

But over the years, I have definitely grown and have become more considerate of their time, thoughts and feelings. Doing things like checking on them and letting them know about my whereabouts. You don’t have to do it, but it’s nice to keep them abreast with what is going on, plus it builds trust.

What do I do now?

Honestly, I was in a state of shock when he broke up with me. I was like, “Is this really happening? Have I really just been dumped?”.

Once I processed all the information, I was like, wow. Ok, so what do I do now? There’s a space that he used to fill. No, he wasn’t my everything, but he held a big space in my life. Now, what is going to fill that space? I need to figure out my shit and go back to the drawing table.

Will I be able to trust again?

It took me a considerable amount of time to build up trust and to trust my ex. I don’t tend to trust people easily, and I really was able to put my trust in him. Now, I don’t know if I will trust my future partner as much as I want to.

I am not saying it’s not a possibility, but right now, I am scared that I would be able to.

After some healing, I am sure that I will be able to. Firstly, I need to trust myself first; I will prioritise my well-being and trust that I will find happiness within myself first before I look to others to add to my happiness.

How I am trying to move forward

Working on my job/career

If you have read my post about my job, you will know that I am a support worker although I enjoy my job, for the most part, I could really become super comfortable, which is not a space for growth. Some of my colleagues don’t hold the job down as I do, and it bothers me. The job is to pay bills, but it can be intense for the type of job, and I don’t feel that support. Plus, the pay is not enough. Not to toot my own horn, but I have worked and studied hard for my qualifications thus far; therefore, I believe I should get paid more than I am paid now! You’ll be appalled if I told you how much I earn for the hours I put in.

Working on my being

Self-care is essential, and I feel like I moved away from it a bit. I used to be into chakra healing, and now more than ever, I want to learn more about it and implement it into my life. I require healing, and I think it best to do it now rather than later.

Work on my mental health

I am looking forward to starting counselling again. I know it will help me express myself better and equip me with the tools to cope with obstacles that may arise.

Understanding what I will no longer tolerate

All relationships, romantic or not, are lessons to be learned. I have learnt that:

–Showing a little affection is not for me: I like affection- I was an ice queen, but I have melted, and I love hugs!

–A partner that doesn’t understand how I like to be loved: My love language is words of affirmation- I need words of encouragement. Let me know what I mean to you! My ex didn’t really express his emotions, and how he felt about me unless I asked him and for me, I need it more often without me initiating the conversation.

-Lack of communication: I used to be a closed book and push things under the rug, but as I grew in the relationship, I talked more about my feelings and became more comfortable expressing myself. WAs it always reciprocated? No, and I need to hear that. To grow together (as inaudible and as a couple), you need to talk and discuss things that are on your mind to work through it.

Take Away

This process of healing is not linear. As I said, it is a process.

There will be times when it is hard to just get through the day without crying.

However, this will pass. Many people have gone through breakups and have become stronger once they have gone through the hard healing process.

Thank you for reading,

take care and stay safe.

XO

Tagged breakup, depression, mental illness, mental wellbeing, mindfulness, relationship, relationships, self-care