Overcoming Grief: 5 Tips That I Find Useful

What is grief?

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is incredibly hard. Coming to terms with the fact that you never see them again, talking to them again is a difficult pill to swallow. It is a process that will not go away; grief will not go away but will become easier to cope with time. They say grief is the last stage of love. Love goes through phases, and this may be the most challenging stage for everyone.

Recently, I lost my grandmother, and my aunt passed away earlier this year. Part of me is having a hard time accepting that they are no longer here. Currently, I am in the stage of disbelief. Like, is this happening? What is happening in this world?

Also, I feel like I am experiencing denial as well. If I ignore the fact that they are not here, then it doesn’t exist. The emotion doesn’t exist. I am not going to let the feelings consume me if I push them to the side. My process is like if I ignore it, try it to the back of my mind; then I don’t have to deal with it right now. That way, I can continue with whatever I have got to and not let things weigh me down when I have shit to do.

But as I continue on this personal development journey and healing journey. I realise that I cannot continue to deny these feelings and act like they don’t exist, as I am doing myself a disservice. To heal, I need to wear the cape of vulnerability and not let the fear of experiencing intense emotions overcome me.

Now I am going to talk about how I am coping with grief.

Tip1- Acknowledging my feelings

Dealing with grief is very painful, and at times, I feel like it’s not getting better, but then I realise that this process is entirely normal. Dealing with death is inevitable. We will all experience it at some point. Avoiding feelings of sadness and grief may cause you to bottle everything up subconsciously. You will experience a rollercoaster of emotions.

Some days you may be angry; some days, you may be sad.
For me, I am experiencing sadness and a bit of guilt. I feel sad that I will no longer get to spend time together, and I feel guilty that I didn’t reach out as much I could have. I am trying not to let guilt consume me, and I often resort to this post I wrote on ‘How to stop feeling guilty, but I know that it is normal to experience these emotions, so I am not beating myself up.

Tip 2- Taking care of myself

I think that the most important thing to do is to take care of yourself. When my nan passed, the day after, I went to work. I know what you are thinking, why?! I scheduled a meeting with my manager where I just wanted to get through; then, I told her what happened and went home. Let me tell you; I didn’t even get through the meeting.

My manager sent me home and to tell her how I was feeling the following day. Even though I felt like I could go to work, I thought it would be in my best interest to take a day off, so I did. I spent time with my dad, which was necessary. We had a good chat, and I am glad that I spent some quality time with him. Besides that, I am trying to stay active, get as much rest as possible, and take care of myself physically and mentally.

Tip 3- Patience

I have come to realise that I am not going to feel A-ok right away. It may take a week, a month, a year to come to terms with the loss of my loved ones, and that is fine. There is no time limit to overcome grief. You learn to deal with it in stages. When Christmas, birthdays and other holidays come around, you may have a reminder of that person.

It will be hard dealing with these times, but you have to be patient with yourself and remember that time will help you heal and process the loss.

Tip 4- Remember the good times

It is sad to say you won’t make any more memories, but think of your shared memories with the person. When I think back to my aunt, I laugh. She used to say the funniest things, which I still recall. She reminded me of how I was as a little girl and the things that used to come out of my mouth. I was a little sass pot.

Alternatively, when I think of my grandmother, I think of the things she used to come up with, and man, she was a character. Both of my loved ones shaped me, and I am grateful for the times that we shared.

Tip 5- Talk about it

Growing up, I was very reserved and didn’t express my emotions at all. I used to bottle up my feelings, and it took me a long time to break down the walls I built up around myself. However, now I know better. I know that I have a great support system around me that are meeting very encouraging and supportive.

My friends have mentioned that I am more open than I used to be, which is good. I feel more comfortable talking about my emotions. I feel more vulnerable, which is scary at times but necessary on this healing journey that I am on. If you are coping with grief, do reach out. You are not alone.