Guilt is one of the things I constantly carry with me
Simply put, guilt is a feeling we get when we regret something we have said and/or done.
If we feel guilt, I believe it is an evident sign that we have a conscience.
Psychological symptoms of guild include:
Low self-esteem, feeling overwhelmed, anxiety, and in some cases, it can intrude on your sleep hygiene.
In addition, feelings of guilt can be identified in other mood disorders such as depression, anxiety and OCD.
How guilt has showed up in my life
Guilt for not communicating
In the last couple of years, my grandmother and aunt have passed away. Aside from the feeling of loss and heartbreak, I felt tremendous guilt. Both my aunt and grandmother live in other countries than I, so I haven’t spent a lot of time with them growing up. However, distance shouldn’t stop a relationship from developing and strengthening.
I could have picked up the phone and call them more often. I am pretty shy and reserved, but that is my family. I didn’t have to hold a long conversation, but I could have reached out more often. That is one of biggest regrets.
Aside from the loss, I experienced guilt in many situations involving my loved ones. I do not like confrontation at all, but I should have voiced my opinion when I needed to. Drama is not for me, and I tried to avoid it at all times so I would be quiet and not speak up for myself.
Using your voice is vital. You want people to have an understanding of your thoughts. Your voice matters, and I am realizing that now. I know that I need to communicate better, and if I have done it in the past, things could be so different.
Hurting people
They say actions speak louder than words which I believe is true. My efforts have caused pain to others. I can only imagine how my actions have made them feel and how it impacted their confidence, self-esteem and how they see me. I don’t like being the cause of the pain; I deeply regret my actions.
Felt guilt for not living up to my expectations set by myself
I have understood that the expectations that I have set for myself prior were not SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timed). So, in a way, I set myself up for failure. I am very hard on myself, so when I didn’t meet the expectations that I set myself, I let myself down, which made me feel guilty and question myself which impacted my self-esteem.
I was feeling guilty for saying no.
Creating boundaries is something that I constantly work on. Taking my well-being seriously means that I have to say no at times and put myself first. I feel guilty for saying no to people. I think that I am a reliable person, so saying no doesn’t help my cause.
How I deal with guilt
Finding the source of guilt
When you feel guilt try and identify why. Why am I feeling like this? Will the situation matter in 5 days, five months? Let’s take a point I referenced earlier. I feel guilty for not reaching out to my loved ones. What can I do about it now? Nothing, unfortunately; however, I made sure I learnt from that lesson. Now I call my loved ones more often.
Take accountability
When I hurt people (obviously unintentionally), I ensured that I took full accountability and apologized immediately. When apologizing, do try and bear in mind how they are feeling. There is no reason to make excuses for your actions/words. And ensure that it will not happen again. The pain I caused was unbearable, and that is one thing that I still keep at the back of my mind. I am working through healing and letting go of the past and the things that I have no control over.
Practice gratitude
A part of my ongoing healing journal, I am making sure that I share more gratitude. Having a gratitude journal is helpful to keep perspective and to count the blessings that you already have. To manifest things in your life, we must first be grateful for what we already have.
Focus on speaking kindly to yourself
We must remember that we are human beings. We are going to make mistakes inevitably, and that is life. Instead of constantly focusing on the negative aspects, let’s try to overpower the negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Instead of shaming ourselves for what we may have done/said – let’s praise ourselves and give ourselves compliments; often.
A bit of guilt is ok but don’t let it consume you
Having a bit of guilt is completely normal, and it shows that we have a conscience. Some people in the world don’t, which is scary. But for us, you and I, we are great people! Having a bit of guilt teaches us what we will not do or say next time. We can use guilt as a teachable moment.
Take Away
We will never get rid of moments that will make us feel guilty. However, like many experiences, we can use it as a tool to teach us what not to do next time.
If you believe that guilt is playing a big role in your life, please try to get in touch with a professional to discuss it further.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
Take care and stay safe.
