At times, we will have to set boundaries with people.
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are ‘rules’ that one creates to establish how other people should behave towards them. The purpose of a boundary is ensuring that you protect your space and your overall wellbeing. It sets a precedence for how you would like people to respond to you and treat you.
Let me put it in another way.
Imagine you’re on a beach and you’re standing in front of all of your loved ones. You then draw a circle around yourself and say out loud that whatever happens outside of your circle; you’re ok with. But if people were to come into your circle invading your space and disturbing your peace, it is not good for your wellbeing as they have crossed the line.
Why is it important to set boundaries?
- To protect your mental health
- To make it clear to others what is a no-go zone.
- To hold yourself accountable and take responsibility
- To have a healthy separation from others.
It is hard to set guidelines, especially with your loved ones.
You love them so want to show them how much you do by doing things for them (or them doing things for you/to you and you’re supposed to take it) even though you don’t want to and you know that doing it doesn’t sit well with you.
There are many times I have gone out of my way for people. At the time, I didn’t think much of it. I love to help but in hindsight, I should have thought about it before agreeing to it. As after the fact, I felt about myself.
In another post how to say no and not feel guilty, I go into detail about saying no to things that is not conducive to your beliefs/goals/aims, all of the above. That goes hand in hand with setting boundaries and telling people about it. In essence, people should respect your boundaries regardless if they want to or not.
Create guidelines that honour your wellbeing.
For example, if you’re at work and you have a close deadline and the boss is on your back about it. Mary, your favorite co-worker is distracting you by spilling all her tea. In order to get your work done, you tell her, ‘Girl, after Wednesday, you will have my full attention. But for now, I really need to focus’. Simple and straight to the point.
Now if your co-worker chooses to ignore your invisible line, then you may have to mention it again in a different way. You have to be firm but try to keep it cute.
I am just learning to set boundaries, especially with my family. I think they have come to terms that I have a different point of view and have decided to really protect my energy and if that means saying no and put my foot down, then so be it.
As the young kids say, YOLO. We only have one life to live. So, aim to live in peace and happiness within yourself so we can spread the love around.
Thank you for reading.
Take care.
