Relationships teach us about yourself and how to navigate this world.
As I continue to learn and expand, making and maintaining excellent relationships with people has taught me a lot and has enabled me to better myself.
I have made 4 big revelations:
I like to fix things
If my partner has a problem, I try my best to try and sort it. Even though it is not my problem, sometimes I feel that one of my duties as a good girlfriend is to fix things. I love being able to help, but sometimes I offer unsolicited advice.
For example, my boyfriend talked about looking for an apartment, so I took it upon myself to look for apartments. Personally, I enjoy looking for apartments because I like to visualise myself in the space and how ill decorate it. He did not ask me to do it, but I ended up sending him several options. I took his words very literal. If you talk about something you would like to do, I will do my best to help you research, plan and execute.
It took me some time and stern words to understand that it is not my job to fix things. I love helping people, but some people don’t like receiving help (me included) so I had to learn not to take it personally.
Perhaps part of my personality and value is to provide support. However, I need to consider the needs of others when trying to help them in a way that is taking a load off of them.
I love being needed
Uh. Miss Jada Pinkett-Smith talked about this in her show. I am independent, introverted and love my own company. So, when my friends and boyfriend need advice or someone to turn to. Part of me is like yay! Someone needs me. I am needed! I do wonder why that is. Maybe it’s due to time spent alone, and people value my time, advice and points of view. Sometime (when depression and anxiety take over) we forget what we mean to people, we forget about how special we are and ultimately, we forget about our worth!
But it is a double edge sword. I love people but as an empath and introvert. I need time to unwind and be by myself. Being required does give me a confidence boost, but it can be draining at times.
My love language
Do you know your love language? Take this test to find out. As the relationship I am in now is my first one, I didn’t know what to expect, but I know that I will give 100% effort and time. And to do that, I thought it would be best to find out what my love language is along with my partners love language to make sure we cater to one another’s’ needs in their desired way.
My primary love language is words of affirmation, followed by spending quality time so that is what I look for in my relationships. Hearing my loved ones express what I mean to them is one hell of an ego booster, but it brings a smile to my face. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I appreciate gifts, I do, but I want to tell me how you feel about me, ‘what can I do for you?’ How can I make you feel better? I like to know for my own peace of mind and adapt things if I have to.
Besides, nothing beats spending quality time with your loved ones. Time is flying by, so we need to give people their flowers while we can and make lifelong, beautiful memories. Put the phone down and connect. We only have this moment once, so let’s make the most of it.
My partners love language is also quality of time and physical touch. Although I am not one for PDA, I learnt to compromise and make myself a little bit uncomfortable to make him feel good. I learnt to adapt. I didn’t change entirely, absolutely not. Your beliefs are important but are there some things that you can compromise on?
I jump to conclusions
It is a habit that I just realised that I have.
STORYTIME.
My boyfriend usually goes out for drinks with his work colleagues on a Friday night. Early in our relationship, he forgot to tell me that he’s going out for drinks. So I was waiting by the phone worried about what had happened. Did he lose his phone? Who is he with? I was thinking the worse! Plus, I am dramatic, so I literally jumped into the deep end at times with little cause. Over time and as our communication got better, I don’t jump to conclusions as often.
Now, I think of things more logically. As I have been on personal development, I am always looking for ways to improve myself. One of my favourite self-development books is the four agreements. One of the agreements is to not take things personally. This is easier said than done, but it has helped me to not jump to conclusions, especially with what people may say.
Conclusion
Having good relationships not only makes us feel good, but it is also good for our mental health. What have life experiences taught you about YOU in relationships?
