At the end of 2017 and after having a few counselling sessions, I decided that I would benefit from attending counselling sessions on a long term basis.
Fast forwarded to NOW.. I thought it would be a good idea to keep a journal to reflect on how the sessions are going and give you guys a realistic view of how the sessions are.
If you have any questions, feel free to post them in the comment section below.
Enjoy reading and take care, XO
I arrived at 11:57am for 12pm session. If you know me, I..HATE..TO..BE..LATE!
When I met my counsellor for the first time, she seemed cool no issues there.
We got in to counselling room; it was cosy and it had a few clocks dotted around the room. Straight away she asked why I decided counselling was best for me. I responded; saying that it’s a good way for me to talk about my issues to an outsider who has no idea as to how I live my life; day in and day out.
After that, it got a bit awkward. She wasn’t asking questions; she was staring at me (trying to figure me out, I guess) and I was looking around the room.. staring at the clocks wondering when the session would come to an end.
We sat in silence for what felt like a couple of hours. She wasn’t saying anything and I sure as hell wasn’t because I felt quite uncomfortable. After a while, she said that I looked like I had zoned out. That was an accurate statement. We were sitting in silence so yes, I was a bit bored.
Then the questions started to flow; how was your childhood? How is the relationship with your boyfriend? And surprisingly, I answered with coherent sentences. At times I can be very blunt with my responses but this time I talked and talked some more.
I must say, I surprise myself at times.
Initally, I wanted to leave as soon as the silence kicked in but I managed to talk even if it was a little bit which I tend to not do especially with people that I meet for the first time.
After 50 minutes, the session came to an end. My counsellor discussed the contract and the fee (yes, you have to pay for long term counselling, BO!).
All in all, for my first counselling session in almost a year, I would say it was…OK. Not great but not terrible either.
It was my first time meeting my counsellor so perhaps I need to cut her some slack. I do hope we click. I know it takes some time so I’ll give her a chance.
Until next week !
Counselling was less awkward this week.
It started by my counsellor asking me how I was. And of course I said that I am tired because when am I not tired?! I just finished a night shift (10pm-8am) so I went home, showered, ate breakfast and chilled.
Anyway, back to the session.
We talked about the events of the week and I told her that I have been working non stop but I managed to go to the gym twice (along with home workouts ow yeah).
She asked me when do I find time to rest. That’s a valid question because I don’t really have to time for myself. The only time I really get to rest and totally do nothing is on holiday. When I get home from work, I usually check my emails, do a workout, help my mum with something so I am literally ALWAYS on the go.
We then started to talk about family dynamics and how my childhood was. I’ve always been reserved and I didn’t realise that it has transferred into my work life.
I don’t speak up at work which I ought to as I feel that I am slightly taken advantage of. I am comprising myself and it didn’t dawn on me. By keeping my mouth shut I am not displaying who I truly am.
I just figured its easier to just stay quiet so I don’t ruffle any feathers or step on anyone’s toes. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m hurting mine by doing so.
Its crazy how people can tell you something about yourself that never dawned on you before.
This was a good session. Way better than the last. And it’s only going to improve.
Until next week!
Back again with another counselling update.
And this time, I left counselling with a lot on my mind.
Once again, my counsellor asked me how my week has been. You know same old, work and gym. That is pretty much it.
I discussed with her the difficulty I was experiencing at work. I felt comfortable discussing my issues with my counsellor that I’ve known for only two weeks.
Whereas, I struggle to voice my opinion in my workplace.
I talked about how my colleagues always talked about what was bothering them but I tend to be neutral about pretty much everything.
And then my counsellor said this,
“But where is your voice?”
Wow. Good job. She already knows me.
That is one thing I really don’t do.
I’ve always let things slide and I let other people worry about me but it takes me a while to gain the courage to do anything about it.
If there is a problem, I tend to never express it. I just let it continue to build up.
And then I cry when no one is around. That is how I release.
There have been countless times that I let people walk all over me and I do absolutely nothing about it.
I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.
But I need to get over that.
I can’t continue to remain unhappy because I am scared to voice my opinion.
My voice matters too!
My counsellor is on leave. Bo.
My counsellor is still on leave. Double bo.