Everyone is on their own journey.
Our personal journey can not be measured, quantified nor do we know how long we will be on the journey… the journey healing.
Healing is one of the most important obstacles that we have to overcome.
Healing from trauma, hurt, disappointment, abandonment.. the list goes on.
We all will experience some sort of emotional pain but we will overcome it time and time again and that is all that matters.
My journey to healing has been a rollercoaster ride.
I won’t go into detail but I experienced childhood trauma. It was only fairly recently that I realised that I was abused when I was 8/9 years old.
I thought it was normal until I listened and watched other people detail their own trauma.
I knew then that I too am a survivor.
I have told some people about my past but I still have not told my loved ones.
It is something that I constantly battle with as I believe that I should be transparent about what I have gone through.
Part of my reason for not being forthcoming about my trauma was that I do not want them to feel guilty in any aspect.
What happened to me was no fault of theirs however I believe they may blame themselves for not knowing.
But how can I be so sure of this?
I can’t yet I am telling myself that I can not tell them because I’m scared.
I’m scared of their reaction.
I’m scared of my reaction.
I’m scared that they won’t believe me.
For years, I was angry. Angry at myself and mad at the world.
I experienced depression.
I did not visit family for years.
I stopped partaking in activities that brought me joy.
I was crying every day.
I had suicidal thoughts.
I was drinking excessively in order to ignore my feelings and push them as far back into my mind as possible.
I had an unhealthy lifestyle and I numbed myself for years.
Until I said enough is enough.
I’m tired of crying.
I’m tired of waking up wondering why I’m still here.
I’m tired of letting my past determine my current behaviour.
I started working out. Every day. Keeping myself active was something I enjoyed since I was a little girl. It was second nature to me.
I joined the gym when I was about 16/17 years old. I enjoyed pushing myself, seeing how much my body can take and getting results from it.
My confidence grew a bit but I was not dealing with my emotions.
University came and went and I still was not feeling my best.
I built up the courage and went to counselling.
That was the best decision for me.
It has helped me immensely and I am eternally grateful.
My first counsellor, held my hand and led me to my own path of self healing.
For some, healing may be very intense.
Changing your routine to a more productive and loving one is easier said than done. Incorporating quiet time; time to pray (if you choose to), journal and meditate.
I have taken up journaling. I find it so necessary to get my thoughts on to paper. Even if it’s a few sentences, it’s good for me to reflect on my day: the highlights and the lessons learned.
Back in university, I used to drink a lot!
Every excuse I could find to drink, I had a bottle of wine in my hand.
Now I face my issues head on and I no longer rely on a bottle of wine to mask my emotions.
Along with regular exercising, I stretch every day. Stretching has many benefits including reducing stress levels.
I practice deep breathing techniques.
I have this thing where I hold my breath subconsciously. I don’t know why I do it but as soon as I am aware that I am holding my breath I do my 7/11 technique (inhale for 7 seconds, exhale for 11 seconds).
I attempt to not take myself so seriously. I laugh at myself all the time and make light out of certain situations that may have been extremely stressful for me in the past.
Healing is important in order to grow mentally and spiritually.
Forgiveness is the biggest gift you can give to yourself in order to mend and recover from childhood trauma.
I would suggest talking to a professional who will support you and help you to do the work necessary in order to begin the healing process.
Healing takes time.
And you are worth every bit of love coming your way.