Mental Health Community · Mental Illness · Self care · Self-care tips

How to say no (and not feel guilty for it)


I know it’s hard.

You want to please everyone, you want to make everyone happy all the time.

But at some point, constantly saying yes to everyone and everything could mean saying no to yourself.

Putting your needs last and making yourself unhappy in the process.

At times, we need to be selfish and start thinking of what will make YOU happy.

There will be times when we have to say no.

It may make other people unhappy but at the end of the day, we need to think of our needs.

We only have one life to live so we need to make the most of it and try to fulfil our happiness.

When you are considering saying yes even though every fibre in your being is screaming no, ask yourself the following questions:


How will I feel after the fact?

Ok let’s say you need to accompany a friend by going shopping with them. Although they say, ‘it may be fun’, you told yourself that you need to save more money. Perhaps you went against your word and you spent more money than necessary and now you feel a bit stressed as your plan went down the drain. Was it worth it?


What am I going to benefit from saying yes?

You will be helping your loved one but what will you gain from it?

I’ll give you an example; You haven’t seen your friend from high school for a long time so it would be great to see them hence saying yes, maybe it’s a one- off meeting so you can lend your time and reminisce with your friend.


Would they do they do the same for you?

At times before I consider helping me, I think to myself; if I were in their shoes, would they go out their way to help me. If the answer is an obviously no, you may want to reconsider lending out your time if its not being appreciated.

You may even want to consider doing the following:

Plan to say no ahead of time!

If you must go to work the next day and your loved one is asking to spend some time together to just chill, you may want to pass. You can reschedule your chill time with your friend when you have spare time.


Suggest a different option

If spending time with others will take away vital YOU time and will cut your self -care routine short, it may be worth to talk on the phone instead or skype in the comfort in your own home. Offer to host them instead of going to their house for a change.


My friend said that 2019 is the year that some people are becoming more selfish.

I agree 100%!!

We need to make sure we take ourselves and not neglect our self-care routine.

Make sure you have a good balance of you time and time with others.

You are a priority, and don’t you forget it!

Thanks for reading.

Take care, XO


4 thoughts on “How to say no (and not feel guilty for it)

  1. This is something I constantly struggle with. I like the self-evaluation questions and the tip to plan to say no ahead of time. I’m going to put that one into practice.

  2. Well written . It is my greatest wish that there are persons out there who are going to benefit from and be
    Encouraged by all the positivity you are willing to share. Keep it going. Blessings to you..

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